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Hmm. Where to begin this one. This is gonna be one of the "long and thoughtful" posts of mine. Well, long, maybe thoughtful, and probably rambling.
About four months ago, my world came crashing down around me. At least, that's what it seemed like. The things I held to seemingly vanished and I was apparently left with nothing. Shortly thereafter, I got myself a LiveJournal and started posting things. A lot of it is inane babbling, much of it is humorous, or attempts to be at least. All of it lets me remember.
It had almost been a year ago to the day that my world had been fundamentally changed once before. April of 2001. That's when it was announced that my then place of employment was going to cease to exist and had pretty much sold out to the spawn of Satan and Dr Laura. That was my thought on the issue at least. Fortunately, I was able to get another job within the company that wasn't a portion of it which was going to cease to exist and remain gainfully employed. Crisis averted.
April of 2002. It was just after our anniversary, actually. More irony in that than you can shake a stick at. Seeing as how our anniversary was the first of the month. I felt totally lost. I had no idea what I was going to do. We were moving in like two weeks. Not much you could do at that point.
I did a really good job of putting on a happy face. For years. I never told anyone about the problems and the doubts and the fears. Everything seemed so ideal from the outside. A friend of mine would complain about his lack of relationship and would get pretty much little to no sympathy from me and then would say that I didn't know what it was like.
I wanted to say, "Do you know what is worse than being lonely? Being with someone every day and being alone."
Even after it was over, I didn't talk about it. I couldn't talk about it. Until recently. I began to realize, I was okay. I was making it. I was getting ahead in my life. I was making progress. Then, I could talk about it. And I did.
I've realized that I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. I used to be so scared of being alone. I didn't realize that when you're that scared of being alone, it's impossible to be anything but alone.
About four months ago, my life changed. The walls and illusions I had surrounded myself with were gone, and I was left standing. It hurt, but I survived. I realized I didn't need to hold on to anything and that I could live my life without lying to myself. Shortly thereafter, I got a LiveJournal in something of a last ditch attempt to get back everything I thought I had lost. I realized, though, that I hadn't lost anything.
About four months ago, my life started.
What about yours?
About four months ago, my world came crashing down around me. At least, that's what it seemed like. The things I held to seemingly vanished and I was apparently left with nothing. Shortly thereafter, I got myself a LiveJournal and started posting things. A lot of it is inane babbling, much of it is humorous, or attempts to be at least. All of it lets me remember.
It had almost been a year ago to the day that my world had been fundamentally changed once before. April of 2001. That's when it was announced that my then place of employment was going to cease to exist and had pretty much sold out to the spawn of Satan and Dr Laura. That was my thought on the issue at least. Fortunately, I was able to get another job within the company that wasn't a portion of it which was going to cease to exist and remain gainfully employed. Crisis averted.
April of 2002. It was just after our anniversary, actually. More irony in that than you can shake a stick at. Seeing as how our anniversary was the first of the month. I felt totally lost. I had no idea what I was going to do. We were moving in like two weeks. Not much you could do at that point.
I did a really good job of putting on a happy face. For years. I never told anyone about the problems and the doubts and the fears. Everything seemed so ideal from the outside. A friend of mine would complain about his lack of relationship and would get pretty much little to no sympathy from me and then would say that I didn't know what it was like.
I wanted to say, "Do you know what is worse than being lonely? Being with someone every day and being alone."
Even after it was over, I didn't talk about it. I couldn't talk about it. Until recently. I began to realize, I was okay. I was making it. I was getting ahead in my life. I was making progress. Then, I could talk about it. And I did.
I've realized that I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was. I used to be so scared of being alone. I didn't realize that when you're that scared of being alone, it's impossible to be anything but alone.
About four months ago, my life changed. The walls and illusions I had surrounded myself with were gone, and I was left standing. It hurt, but I survived. I realized I didn't need to hold on to anything and that I could live my life without lying to myself. Shortly thereafter, I got a LiveJournal in something of a last ditch attempt to get back everything I thought I had lost. I realized, though, that I hadn't lost anything.
About four months ago, my life started.
What about yours?
