Apr. 18th, 2003 10:36 am
The shopping experience
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jdotmiWell, the shopping experience, while low on the actual buying, was high on fun. Actually, the entire evening was marked with an interesting level of fucked-up humor.
I got out of work at 5:30 and drove over to Lisa's. She was just finishing up getting her laundry and I desperately needed to pee. So I borrowed her bathroom, she went to collect (and fold, apparently) her laundry, and I came back out and fed Miss Kitty. Miss Kitty was very happy with the amount of food I gave her. So happy in fact that she ate three bites and opted to go lay in the sunlight in the Florida Room as opposed to actually eating.
Lisa got back and we were waffling over food issues. For example, being Thursday, we could not go to Red Robin. Red Robin is a place of evil on Thursday. Why, you ask? Simple! Thursday night is the night of EvilMagicianFreakAssFuck who I will disembowel with a rusty spork should he ever interrupt my dining experience again. I do not go to a restaurant to to have an EvilMagicianFreakAssFuck interrupt my conversations and/or meals. I go to have conversations and/or eat meals.
So, Red Robin was out of the running. Neither of us wanted to go into Food Coma land either, so that ruled out Olive Garden and Cottage Inn. I really wanted breadsticks, but that really only left Pizza and Italian places as options. I didn't want Pizza, and Italian = Food Coma, so we opted to abandon all hope of breadsticks. We had finally decided we needed to go to Briarwood, because Lisa knew that Marshall Fields would have $10 playtex bras there that she could buy, and she needed new bras, so we decided cheese sticks at Arby's would be a fine substitute for breadsticks. Plus the entire curly-fry factor in that equation.
Somewhere amidst all this, I randomly asked Lisa how difficult it was for chicks to use dildos and vibrators. I asked this because men must turn into human pretzels, in most cases, or get in really weird non-relaxing positions to use one. Totally unfazed by the oddity of my inquiry, she answered it and we rambled on about them for a brief time. She then, having known that most questions that actually come out of my mouth are not just random tidbits, wondered why I asked. Reasoning is simple. I wanted one. None that I've seen and/or know about really seem to interest me though, so said interest will wait for some other era.
So, off we go to head to Briarwood. By this point, it's about 7:00. Yes, we killed an hour talking, doing laundry, and talking on the phone with my Mom (which I skipped here, as the conversation is not related at all to the shopping experience). We get to Briarwood and head over to park near Arby's. Suddenly, inspiration hits! We could have cheese sticks AND mountain dew!! Not at Arby's, of course. So, we wound up dining at Jonathan B Pub instead. This was of the good, as we got Mountain Dew and cheese sticks and other good food stuffs.
After eating, we headed into the mall proper. First stop was, of course, Electronics Boutique, where we looked, fondled, but did not buy a single thing. I almost bought Lunar Legend for the Gameboy Advance, and I may still yet do so, but opted not to yesterday evening. I sorta still need to get Lunar 2 for Playstation, but that's neither here nor there.
We then started mallwalking around on our way to Marshall Fields for Lisa to look at bras. Made a mental note to myself to make an appointment at D.O.C. to get my eyes checked and new glasses and continued on our merry way throughout the mall. We did a quick stop in at Waldenbooks to look at their dismal selection of gaming books. I did see three books I wanted, Fiend Folio, Arms and Equipment Guide, and Races of Faerun. I opted to wait on buying them though as I didn't want them quite that badly. I then noted the location of the AT&T Wireless store to stop in as we got to that side of the mall so I could pick up leaflets with information on their calling plans.
So, we made it to Marshall Fields and head towards the ladies undergarments. It is about this time that a dim lightbulb reared its ugly head in Lisa's brain and indicated that her bras may not be on sale until the 13 hour sale going on this Sunday. Undaunted, we proceeded into uncharted territory anyway. Arriving at the bras, we quickly note that, indeed, the merchandise we sought was unavailable. Oh well.
Time for a potty break. We go back to where the Ticketmaster is, as that is where the bathrooms are as well in Marshall Fields, and we potty. And there was much rejoicing.
So, we head out of Marshall Fields, noting some hotness as we exit, albeit Lisa called the guy, who pinged beyond tomorrow on the 'dar, a tool. She even went so far as to say that in the dictionary, under tool, you would find a picture of him. It was very amusing.
So, we continue our mall walking and the checking out of a couple hotties and meander on in to the AT&T store. A demo model set off a ringer and Lisa thought, like a dumbass, that it was her phone going off. Since it wasn't, and I had the information I wanted, we left. Some more Mall Walking and we detoured our way into Lane Bryant for Lisa to find some "cute" shirts for herself, as all she had were "functional" shirts. We saw something vaguely resembling cute up front, but it was terry cloth and therefore of the non-cute. We continued in the back, noting all the hippy-drugcoma-induced clothing on the racks, nearly certain we would not find anything of the cute. Like Lisa said, nothing was jumping out at her. So, I told her to turn around and then I jumped at her. That way she couldn't say that anymore.
I had only had two glasses of Mountain Dew at the restaurant.
We finally wound up exiting Lane Bryant purchaseless. As we walked out, a nice succulent morsel passed us by and we both went a little slackjawed following it's path past us. It looked back just after I had looked away and had something of a shocked/surprised/scared look on it's face. We think it saw Lisa checking it out.
We continued on our way, walking past The Chair™ and managing to resist it's siren call. We went into the TMobil store and the Nextel store. Neither of which really had any plans that interested me. We also walked by a Pretzel store that was very tempting, but only because I really wanted something to stick in my mouth. At this point, we realized we were both a little too slap happy and opted to vacate the premises.
This was at 9:00.
We decided we wanted Ice Cream. Not just any Ice Cream. We wanted Frostys from Wendy's. So, we go to Wendy's on the drive back to Lisa's and go inside.
HORRORS!
They had already taken apart the Frosty machine!!!
You could almost hear Lisa and I screaming in our heads, in unison, "I'm melting! I'm melting! Oh, what a world, what a world!!"
And there was much non-rejoicing. :(
We shuffled dejectedly over to Meijer and took solace in Ben & Jerry's. Lisa was craving Mint Chocolate Chip, but without Chocolate Chips, so she got Mint Chocolate Cookie. I got Karamel Sutra. We then headed to the U-Scan lines, which were overloaded as one U-Scan was down. We then had to put up with freaky boy who couldn't quit flopping his head about as if he had no neck muscles (the child was not deficient in any way, he was just being a turd) and StupidBitchAssHo who was trying to shove her cart to the front of the line. She about got bitchsmacked by myself, Lisa, and this great black chick next to her who told her to just "fucking grow up already". Never mind that StupidBitchAssHo was clearly mid-30's white trailer trash material, so she had negative Karma points going into the entire situation.
Finally, we escaped Meijer with our Ben & Jerry's in tow, got into my car and drove back to Lisa's apartment. Miss Kitty was soooo happy to see us, being the desperately starved animal that she is. She meowed and meowed and purred and rubbed up against us, saying the entire time "Please! The kitchen! My cat food dish! The cat food bag!! PLEASE!!! FEED ME!!!!"
...
Dumb cat still had food in her dish from when I gave it to her 3 hours ago.
Ignoring Miss Kitty for the time being, we broke out the spoons and began devouring our acquisitions. We watched some South Park, where Cartmann was becoming a religious revival man trying to bilk the students out of $1 a day until he could amass $1,000,000. Satan was having relationship issues and had to go talk to God about it, and Jesus finally freed the kids from the clutches of Fatasses greed. Satan sent Saddam to Heaven, where he will forever be tortured by the Mormons putting on plays about morality, and the kids wallowed in the sadness of Cartmann.
I wound up eating all but 1 spoonful of my Ice Cream, then opted to go home. I suppose it's a good thing that I didn't explode from the amount of sugar and milk products in my system, as that would have been a Bad Thing™.
I got out of work at 5:30 and drove over to Lisa's. She was just finishing up getting her laundry and I desperately needed to pee. So I borrowed her bathroom, she went to collect (and fold, apparently) her laundry, and I came back out and fed Miss Kitty. Miss Kitty was very happy with the amount of food I gave her. So happy in fact that she ate three bites and opted to go lay in the sunlight in the Florida Room as opposed to actually eating.
Lisa got back and we were waffling over food issues. For example, being Thursday, we could not go to Red Robin. Red Robin is a place of evil on Thursday. Why, you ask? Simple! Thursday night is the night of EvilMagicianFreakAssFuck who I will disembowel with a rusty spork should he ever interrupt my dining experience again. I do not go to a restaurant to to have an EvilMagicianFreakAssFuck interrupt my conversations and/or meals. I go to have conversations and/or eat meals.
So, Red Robin was out of the running. Neither of us wanted to go into Food Coma land either, so that ruled out Olive Garden and Cottage Inn. I really wanted breadsticks, but that really only left Pizza and Italian places as options. I didn't want Pizza, and Italian = Food Coma, so we opted to abandon all hope of breadsticks. We had finally decided we needed to go to Briarwood, because Lisa knew that Marshall Fields would have $10 playtex bras there that she could buy, and she needed new bras, so we decided cheese sticks at Arby's would be a fine substitute for breadsticks. Plus the entire curly-fry factor in that equation.
Somewhere amidst all this, I randomly asked Lisa how difficult it was for chicks to use dildos and vibrators. I asked this because men must turn into human pretzels, in most cases, or get in really weird non-relaxing positions to use one. Totally unfazed by the oddity of my inquiry, she answered it and we rambled on about them for a brief time. She then, having known that most questions that actually come out of my mouth are not just random tidbits, wondered why I asked. Reasoning is simple. I wanted one. None that I've seen and/or know about really seem to interest me though, so said interest will wait for some other era.
So, off we go to head to Briarwood. By this point, it's about 7:00. Yes, we killed an hour talking, doing laundry, and talking on the phone with my Mom (which I skipped here, as the conversation is not related at all to the shopping experience). We get to Briarwood and head over to park near Arby's. Suddenly, inspiration hits! We could have cheese sticks AND mountain dew!! Not at Arby's, of course. So, we wound up dining at Jonathan B Pub instead. This was of the good, as we got Mountain Dew and cheese sticks and other good food stuffs.
After eating, we headed into the mall proper. First stop was, of course, Electronics Boutique, where we looked, fondled, but did not buy a single thing. I almost bought Lunar Legend for the Gameboy Advance, and I may still yet do so, but opted not to yesterday evening. I sorta still need to get Lunar 2 for Playstation, but that's neither here nor there.
We then started mallwalking around on our way to Marshall Fields for Lisa to look at bras. Made a mental note to myself to make an appointment at D.O.C. to get my eyes checked and new glasses and continued on our merry way throughout the mall. We did a quick stop in at Waldenbooks to look at their dismal selection of gaming books. I did see three books I wanted, Fiend Folio, Arms and Equipment Guide, and Races of Faerun. I opted to wait on buying them though as I didn't want them quite that badly. I then noted the location of the AT&T Wireless store to stop in as we got to that side of the mall so I could pick up leaflets with information on their calling plans.
So, we made it to Marshall Fields and head towards the ladies undergarments. It is about this time that a dim lightbulb reared its ugly head in Lisa's brain and indicated that her bras may not be on sale until the 13 hour sale going on this Sunday. Undaunted, we proceeded into uncharted territory anyway. Arriving at the bras, we quickly note that, indeed, the merchandise we sought was unavailable. Oh well.
Time for a potty break. We go back to where the Ticketmaster is, as that is where the bathrooms are as well in Marshall Fields, and we potty. And there was much rejoicing.
So, we head out of Marshall Fields, noting some hotness as we exit, albeit Lisa called the guy, who pinged beyond tomorrow on the 'dar, a tool. She even went so far as to say that in the dictionary, under tool, you would find a picture of him. It was very amusing.
So, we continue our mall walking and the checking out of a couple hotties and meander on in to the AT&T store. A demo model set off a ringer and Lisa thought, like a dumbass, that it was her phone going off. Since it wasn't, and I had the information I wanted, we left. Some more Mall Walking and we detoured our way into Lane Bryant for Lisa to find some "cute" shirts for herself, as all she had were "functional" shirts. We saw something vaguely resembling cute up front, but it was terry cloth and therefore of the non-cute. We continued in the back, noting all the hippy-drugcoma-induced clothing on the racks, nearly certain we would not find anything of the cute. Like Lisa said, nothing was jumping out at her. So, I told her to turn around and then I jumped at her. That way she couldn't say that anymore.
I had only had two glasses of Mountain Dew at the restaurant.
We finally wound up exiting Lane Bryant purchaseless. As we walked out, a nice succulent morsel passed us by and we both went a little slackjawed following it's path past us. It looked back just after I had looked away and had something of a shocked/surprised/scared look on it's face. We think it saw Lisa checking it out.
We continued on our way, walking past The Chair™ and managing to resist it's siren call. We went into the TMobil store and the Nextel store. Neither of which really had any plans that interested me. We also walked by a Pretzel store that was very tempting, but only because I really wanted something to stick in my mouth. At this point, we realized we were both a little too slap happy and opted to vacate the premises.
This was at 9:00.
We decided we wanted Ice Cream. Not just any Ice Cream. We wanted Frostys from Wendy's. So, we go to Wendy's on the drive back to Lisa's and go inside.
HORRORS!
They had already taken apart the Frosty machine!!!
You could almost hear Lisa and I screaming in our heads, in unison, "I'm melting! I'm melting! Oh, what a world, what a world!!"
And there was much non-rejoicing. :(
We shuffled dejectedly over to Meijer and took solace in Ben & Jerry's. Lisa was craving Mint Chocolate Chip, but without Chocolate Chips, so she got Mint Chocolate Cookie. I got Karamel Sutra. We then headed to the U-Scan lines, which were overloaded as one U-Scan was down. We then had to put up with freaky boy who couldn't quit flopping his head about as if he had no neck muscles (the child was not deficient in any way, he was just being a turd) and StupidBitchAssHo who was trying to shove her cart to the front of the line. She about got bitchsmacked by myself, Lisa, and this great black chick next to her who told her to just "fucking grow up already". Never mind that StupidBitchAssHo was clearly mid-30's white trailer trash material, so she had negative Karma points going into the entire situation.
Finally, we escaped Meijer with our Ben & Jerry's in tow, got into my car and drove back to Lisa's apartment. Miss Kitty was soooo happy to see us, being the desperately starved animal that she is. She meowed and meowed and purred and rubbed up against us, saying the entire time "Please! The kitchen! My cat food dish! The cat food bag!! PLEASE!!! FEED ME!!!!"
...
Dumb cat still had food in her dish from when I gave it to her 3 hours ago.
Ignoring Miss Kitty for the time being, we broke out the spoons and began devouring our acquisitions. We watched some South Park, where Cartmann was becoming a religious revival man trying to bilk the students out of $1 a day until he could amass $1,000,000. Satan was having relationship issues and had to go talk to God about it, and Jesus finally freed the kids from the clutches of Fatasses greed. Satan sent Saddam to Heaven, where he will forever be tortured by the Mormons putting on plays about morality, and the kids wallowed in the sadness of Cartmann.
I wound up eating all but 1 spoonful of my Ice Cream, then opted to go home. I suppose it's a good thing that I didn't explode from the amount of sugar and milk products in my system, as that would have been a Bad Thing™.
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no subject
I also wanted to get the Akashic Brotherhood Traditionbook, but no-one seems to have it. I may just break down and order that one online.