Apr. 23rd, 2003 03:31 pm
cyclical chaos
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jdotmiI have been in a decidedly odd mental place the last couple of days. This came about with taking Monday off to deal with the fun lock breaking hijinks and therefore having my entire internal clock fucked with.
Yesterday, I was completely out of sorts. Not only did the day fly by, I was wholly incapable of focusing on any one thing for any significant period of time. It was very bizzare. I got very little actual work done, and I couldn't even tell you what a single one of my phone calls yesterday was like. I left work with a vague feeling that I wasn't supposed to leave yet, even though the clocks all said it was time to go. Even the walk to my car was very surreal, as if I were going to wake up and be very confused for no discernable reason.
I got home and cooked myself some dinner. Nothing special, just a big bowl of soup. I think I had a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich too, but I honestly don't remember now. The cats wanted food, of course, so I gave them some and they happily ate the night away.
I decided to go online and chat some. Was also surfing porn, but that goes without saying. I was definitely wishing it weren't just porn, but oh well. Decided to ignore the porn and just chat. Had some good conversations, was highly amused by the uber tired cute behavior of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
tetsubun_otaku, and then opted to go watch some Buffy. I didn't watch the episode that was airing, as it was a repeat, but instead popped in Season 1, Disc 3 and started to watch that. I already posted what I tried watching and what I wound up watching instead, so that's not worth rehashing now. Anyrate, after that, I opted for sleep.
Fast forward to today.
Today has dragged by at an unbearably slow pace. Slow doesn't even describe it. I was ready to go home when I punched out for lunch. This must be reality trying to catch up for all the time it lost yesterday. Randomness. Fortunately, the afternoon is going at a slightly faster pace than the morning has.
I have gotten more work done today than I did yesterday, at least. It feels kinda nice. I need to catch up some more on things.
I've made some internal decisions about things. Some of which came about from getting my Yearly Review here at work, some of which I've been telling myself for months. Sorta like a late New Years Resolution, as it were. Right now, it's just a matter of getting things going. Most of it is going to take a lot of time. The better part of a year, but it's something to work towards. Some of it is stuff I can work on right away. All of it is simply reprogramming my brain so it quits functioning at the slackjawed level it has settled itself into.
So, for my own reference when I later fail to accomplish any of these I can kick myself and tell myself to try harder, here we go.
1) Appearance:
I need to lose some weight. I'm not looking to necessarily become the "perfect" body weight for my height or anything, I'm just looking to fit into clothing I could reasonably expect to find at most department stores. When you're pushing 44 to 50 on the waist size for pants, depending on the brand, good luck finding clothes that fit. Part of this is not anything I can necessarily change, I am 6'3" after all, so things like shoe size aren't liable to change anytime soon (12 1/2 if you care), but still. A little less weight would at least conceivably make my shoes last longer.
Speaking of clothing, I need new clothing. I need a professional wardrobe, as it were. I need khaki's, nice shirts, nice shoes (probably a couple pair to match various things), a couple new coats (such as a spring/fall jacket and maybe a windbreaker for the summer). I'm not really a college kid anymore and can't really afford to continue to dress like one. This is a Bad Thing™. Another part of that is that my shirts need to be long. Again, I am 6'3". 2XL doesn't cut it. 2XLT does. If it's missing that "T" at the end, people will get to see more of me than they would ever want to.
I also need to make up my mind on facial hair and personal grooming in that regards. Sometimes I have a beard, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I just have a goatee, sometimes I don't. Most of the time it's some grotesque in-between thing.
2) Workspace:
I need to clean it up and keep it that way. It's a chaotic mess, much like my home. It needs to be organized. It needs to be professional. Yeah I may not be doing this in 10 years once I've completed my degree and started doing whatever it is I want to do when I grow up, but I'm here now and I have to deal with it. I'm not working on a college campus by any stretch of the imagination now.
3) Livingspace:
See above. I had it clean. Seriously. The only room I didn't do myself was the Kitchen and Keith's rooms. I was very very proud of the place. It has since gone to seed again. This made me less happy with the place. Again. I need to get a kitty tower for the cats, complete with a scratching post, because I don't want my couches any more shredded than they are. I can clean up what's done now, but it's going to get worse if something isn't done. I've considered getting them declawed, but that's just a cruel thing to do to any animal. Not going to do it.
Part of this cleaning bit is going to have to be Throwing Shit Out. Go through stuff, pitch it, sell it, I don't care, but some stuff has just got to go away. I've done a bit of this, but not nearly enough.
I need more book shelves. I need space for more bookshelves. I need a dresser. I need space for a dresser. The only real complaint I have on this apartment is that there is no storage space. I'd kill for some right now. I'd have a closet if I had an actual storage space.
We are signed on for another year in our current apartment. This is good. I like this place. I wish I were making about $100 more per week so we could afford to move up to the three bedroom model. Then things would be so different. Space would definitely not be an issue at that point. Well, not true. It would still be an issue, just not as big of an issue.
4) Money:
I'm doing well on the financial front. I'm keeping track of everything I buy and I have my nice little spreadsheet that is within an acceptable deviance from what the website says my balance is. I have not bounced anything since I started my spreadsheet, although I have had a couple scares.
5) The Odd Factor:
Several of these things are affected by the presence of the roomate. I think he's recently gotten a very good idea of just how bad my debt situation is. He doesn't have any debts to speak of, other than his car, right now. Now and then he asks me if I could help pitch in to buy this that or the other thing. I'd love to. I want to. But, as I told him earlier, only if I didn't intend on ever paying off my school bill or my Visa bill or ever getting back into school.
I have about $5,000 to pay off. I literally cannot afford to buy anything non-critical right now. I do wind up doing so, and budgeting in spending money, but I'm not about to go buy a new computer or laptop right now, even though it would be very nice to do so. He told me I was very lucky to get my car when I did. I about said "DUH!" when he stated that. The only reason I could get it is because my Aunt's credit is perfect. I said a few months ago that I was not poor. This is true. It does not, however, mean that I am in the black. I'm not. My savings account (which I have to deposit $400 into today) is helping me. It's slowly growing to a point where I will be able to pay something off soon. It will then begin slowly growing again so I can do it again.
The roomate is also a big factor in keeping the apartment clean. We are both Virgos. This is problematic. "Oh, but Virgos are so organized!" you say? HAH! Yes, we're detail oriented. Yes, we can nitpick things to death. Yes, we can set up an organizational chart that could make Yoda's head explode. We don't, however, keep a very tidy home. We know where most everything is. It's still a big cluttered mess. We're both pack rats. Hence, me throwing away stuff will account for less than half of the stuff in the apartment being gone through, because, in all honesty, Keith has far more stuff than I do. A lot of it is in his rooms, but some stuff doesn't make sense to be in a bedroom. Between us, we have enough books to open up a used bookstore. Hence the need for bookshelves. Not to mention all the gaming stuff we have.
There are other things, slightly more personal as well, to muddy up the waters with. It makes things complicated at best, slightly psychotic at worst. It's very confusing to a lot of people.
Two more hours of work today. Then it will be time to head out and go to Red Robin withamberthistle! Good food. Thinking of actually not getting the same thing I always get. :-p This will be a good thing.
Yesterday, I was completely out of sorts. Not only did the day fly by, I was wholly incapable of focusing on any one thing for any significant period of time. It was very bizzare. I got very little actual work done, and I couldn't even tell you what a single one of my phone calls yesterday was like. I left work with a vague feeling that I wasn't supposed to leave yet, even though the clocks all said it was time to go. Even the walk to my car was very surreal, as if I were going to wake up and be very confused for no discernable reason.
I got home and cooked myself some dinner. Nothing special, just a big bowl of soup. I think I had a peanut butter and grape jelly sandwich too, but I honestly don't remember now. The cats wanted food, of course, so I gave them some and they happily ate the night away.
I decided to go online and chat some. Was also surfing porn, but that goes without saying. I was definitely wishing it weren't just porn, but oh well. Decided to ignore the porn and just chat. Had some good conversations, was highly amused by the uber tired cute behavior of
tetsubun_otaku, and then opted to go watch some Buffy. I didn't watch the episode that was airing, as it was a repeat, but instead popped in Season 1, Disc 3 and started to watch that. I already posted what I tried watching and what I wound up watching instead, so that's not worth rehashing now. Anyrate, after that, I opted for sleep.Fast forward to today.
Today has dragged by at an unbearably slow pace. Slow doesn't even describe it. I was ready to go home when I punched out for lunch. This must be reality trying to catch up for all the time it lost yesterday. Randomness. Fortunately, the afternoon is going at a slightly faster pace than the morning has.
I have gotten more work done today than I did yesterday, at least. It feels kinda nice. I need to catch up some more on things.
I've made some internal decisions about things. Some of which came about from getting my Yearly Review here at work, some of which I've been telling myself for months. Sorta like a late New Years Resolution, as it were. Right now, it's just a matter of getting things going. Most of it is going to take a lot of time. The better part of a year, but it's something to work towards. Some of it is stuff I can work on right away. All of it is simply reprogramming my brain so it quits functioning at the slackjawed level it has settled itself into.
So, for my own reference when I later fail to accomplish any of these I can kick myself and tell myself to try harder, here we go.
1) Appearance:
I need to lose some weight. I'm not looking to necessarily become the "perfect" body weight for my height or anything, I'm just looking to fit into clothing I could reasonably expect to find at most department stores. When you're pushing 44 to 50 on the waist size for pants, depending on the brand, good luck finding clothes that fit. Part of this is not anything I can necessarily change, I am 6'3" after all, so things like shoe size aren't liable to change anytime soon (12 1/2 if you care), but still. A little less weight would at least conceivably make my shoes last longer.
Speaking of clothing, I need new clothing. I need a professional wardrobe, as it were. I need khaki's, nice shirts, nice shoes (probably a couple pair to match various things), a couple new coats (such as a spring/fall jacket and maybe a windbreaker for the summer). I'm not really a college kid anymore and can't really afford to continue to dress like one. This is a Bad Thing™. Another part of that is that my shirts need to be long. Again, I am 6'3". 2XL doesn't cut it. 2XLT does. If it's missing that "T" at the end, people will get to see more of me than they would ever want to.
I also need to make up my mind on facial hair and personal grooming in that regards. Sometimes I have a beard, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I just have a goatee, sometimes I don't. Most of the time it's some grotesque in-between thing.
2) Workspace:
I need to clean it up and keep it that way. It's a chaotic mess, much like my home. It needs to be organized. It needs to be professional. Yeah I may not be doing this in 10 years once I've completed my degree and started doing whatever it is I want to do when I grow up, but I'm here now and I have to deal with it. I'm not working on a college campus by any stretch of the imagination now.
3) Livingspace:
See above. I had it clean. Seriously. The only room I didn't do myself was the Kitchen and Keith's rooms. I was very very proud of the place. It has since gone to seed again. This made me less happy with the place. Again. I need to get a kitty tower for the cats, complete with a scratching post, because I don't want my couches any more shredded than they are. I can clean up what's done now, but it's going to get worse if something isn't done. I've considered getting them declawed, but that's just a cruel thing to do to any animal. Not going to do it.
Part of this cleaning bit is going to have to be Throwing Shit Out. Go through stuff, pitch it, sell it, I don't care, but some stuff has just got to go away. I've done a bit of this, but not nearly enough.
I need more book shelves. I need space for more bookshelves. I need a dresser. I need space for a dresser. The only real complaint I have on this apartment is that there is no storage space. I'd kill for some right now. I'd have a closet if I had an actual storage space.
We are signed on for another year in our current apartment. This is good. I like this place. I wish I were making about $100 more per week so we could afford to move up to the three bedroom model. Then things would be so different. Space would definitely not be an issue at that point. Well, not true. It would still be an issue, just not as big of an issue.
4) Money:
I'm doing well on the financial front. I'm keeping track of everything I buy and I have my nice little spreadsheet that is within an acceptable deviance from what the website says my balance is. I have not bounced anything since I started my spreadsheet, although I have had a couple scares.
5) The Odd Factor:
Several of these things are affected by the presence of the roomate. I think he's recently gotten a very good idea of just how bad my debt situation is. He doesn't have any debts to speak of, other than his car, right now. Now and then he asks me if I could help pitch in to buy this that or the other thing. I'd love to. I want to. But, as I told him earlier, only if I didn't intend on ever paying off my school bill or my Visa bill or ever getting back into school.
I have about $5,000 to pay off. I literally cannot afford to buy anything non-critical right now. I do wind up doing so, and budgeting in spending money, but I'm not about to go buy a new computer or laptop right now, even though it would be very nice to do so. He told me I was very lucky to get my car when I did. I about said "DUH!" when he stated that. The only reason I could get it is because my Aunt's credit is perfect. I said a few months ago that I was not poor. This is true. It does not, however, mean that I am in the black. I'm not. My savings account (which I have to deposit $400 into today) is helping me. It's slowly growing to a point where I will be able to pay something off soon. It will then begin slowly growing again so I can do it again.
The roomate is also a big factor in keeping the apartment clean. We are both Virgos. This is problematic. "Oh, but Virgos are so organized!" you say? HAH! Yes, we're detail oriented. Yes, we can nitpick things to death. Yes, we can set up an organizational chart that could make Yoda's head explode. We don't, however, keep a very tidy home. We know where most everything is. It's still a big cluttered mess. We're both pack rats. Hence, me throwing away stuff will account for less than half of the stuff in the apartment being gone through, because, in all honesty, Keith has far more stuff than I do. A lot of it is in his rooms, but some stuff doesn't make sense to be in a bedroom. Between us, we have enough books to open up a used bookstore. Hence the need for bookshelves. Not to mention all the gaming stuff we have.
There are other things, slightly more personal as well, to muddy up the waters with. It makes things complicated at best, slightly psychotic at worst. It's very confusing to a lot of people.
Two more hours of work today. Then it will be time to head out and go to Red Robin with
amberthistle! Good food. Thinking of actually not getting the same thing I always get. :-p This will be a good thing.
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And I want Red Robin, dangit! :-p
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734-717-6763
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